Single Life

My single life is all about gaming, animes, movies, reminiscing past and interacting co-workers at work.

Love life? Me? Never even date or know how-to find that person of love.

I'm just an average people with some luck and job living in this pandemic. I know nothing about the old friends doing now. I'm more interested about colourful world, and wish that one day I can "live" in the world I create.

I don't own a car or an apartment, the most expensive things I ever owned is my decent gaming laptop and a graphic tablet in my beginning of 30s.

With an average salary of less than 3k, I can only afford cheap rent for long term stay here, and send little hundred cash home. While the rest is food, groceries and savings. It takes months or year to earn a sum to open FD. Also, I can't regularly donate for charity.

When Lazada, Shopee, and Grab are turning popular online purchase hub with delivery services, I spent quite the amount purchasing items and order food delivery where I couldn't reach, the spending I have to pay every month shoots up double/triple the figure than the amount I regularly paid. These services are super convenient however it's super terrifying and addictive to quit.

Single life, I share my food to nobody, time is flexible. The most torture about living single is, there's no special person I could share the feelings of everyday life together. 

Like, sharing delicious food, going to cinemas, sex, engage new things, our security.

Recovered from being hikikomori, I can't say I'm glad to be one once, but I learn something during those 8 months +, not just from watching movies, anime and gaming that comforted me, but more of understanding my mentality and myself. Being too good a person and don't complain problems will eventually burn out your candle completely, turning your normal life upside down. 

You see people differently after accepting this cruel world you are living a fact, you feeling more defensive that you set mines around you, whoever cross it, blows. 

One thing I fail to succeed in life is, self-learning and put it to use.

Second thing is, I give up easily.

Third thing is, I dislike challenges that's beyond my knowledge.

With these 3 sticking in my life, probably the cause I stay a boring person, non-aggressive and non-competitive that others see me not qualify as to be their prospective partner.

I want to quit my job, I want to change my life but I'm afraid to do so. I'm afraid that my unstable motivation or certain voice ruining in the process. I was worried turning half-baked when I couldn't even spend quality time make use learning something in the weekends, thinking that really turned me down.