When government has announced MCO 3.0 and list of sectors to be allowed to operate, me and my colleagues all happy that our lives of daily work from office can continue be spared until the pandemic situation recover. However, our company does not buy that chance, and we are informed once again to work from office.
When I finally have the motivation to start up a wfh schedule, boss tells you start office the next day. Most of us are annoyed by the unjust decision. Because of the sudden wfh for us all designers, I was able to avoid that train accident on Monday. And because of wfh, I was able to avoid taking swap test due to a positive passenger on LRT. I don't know if I am able to avoid the 3rd. Luck doesn't always by your side, no matter how careful you are, something will still get to you, some day.
Suddenly, I feel like seeing mom's face. It has been more than a year now. If something got me into, I may never see her again. Letting parent worry that daughter has to risk going out to work out of hometown is sour.
With many negative sharings around the chat, really fuck mood up. I know well of it, I don't need to be reminded every fucking bad times. It's really annoying where constant alerts have to place in mind everything fucking new day. I can't find my mind peace.
31 May 2021, Monday
Today's Dream
I had a weird anime dream. I am on my way in a car seat. The road look resembling to Likas but not as those houses and commercial store aren't the same. The driver is taking his U-Turn, and drop me by a small bridge. One of my socks that I was carrying fell into the concrete roadside of the river, and there's people down there washing their... laundries ? One fair lady picks up my socks, her eyes looks at me. I can't remember what happen next, whether she ran to return to me or not.
The destination I was heading earlier doesn't have a road entry, that's probably why the driver dropped me on the opposite near the bridge. I can't really believe but I'm standing in front of a what's left a large rectangular fallen pillar, grass doesn't grow in this ruin walls but only whiter dirt surface, is this the entrance to beyond the commercial stores?
There's another lady dressed is casual office attire that I saw walking another entry, wait... there's another entry ? What am I doing here ? Exploring the ruined wall, or thinking there's an entry if I climb up the rectangular pillar?
I think it's this lady that directs me to a store, for job interview. I think I just left my current job, that's the reason I came here, but wait, this shop doesn't seem normal. Pet store? Veterinarian clinic? or an gorilla humanoid runs this store ??? Everything on the second floor seem very strange, the store itself looks like a countryside with everything from floor tile to walls are made of wood, they are animals and birds in cloth with weird gadget... parrots, 4 legged reptiles and this umbrella turn radio thing! is .. it? I can't remember much.
= present =
About my right wrist that sting, the pain didn't go away overnight this time but has gotten abit bad after carrying that heavy Mac back to office in the morning, and it starts to hurt when using mouse click and typing. I began worried what might happen to my wrist, so I visit the panel clinic at 2.50pm. I began more worried when it sting even I write.
The doctor gave me painkillers after check, one for morning and one for night each tablet after meal. He also mentioned if the pain didn't heal may have to visit him again the following Friday to get referral for a hand surgeon check up, but hopefully not. When the company couldn't get the approval letter from the government to operate before the next lockdown, we designer team were once again informed to bring our PC sets back home...
This bad decision prompted me to take photos and post it to one of the company's group chat of our situation, hoping the response from the bosses.. however, boss only cares about responding in our design chat group, leaving our GM to once again handle it.. that it's "Govt issue" to blame for, not the company fault to hasten one of colleague to do second swap test the same week he received the 1st test result and quickly make us designers to return office to work.
My wrist starts to hurt more and the pain goes down below the wrist as well at night. I forced myself to take a meal to eat medicine before going to bed.
1 June 2021, Tuesday
4.52am - 5.46am I am updating this post, I awoke feeling my right arm abit numb, and thirsty with body sweaty. Temperature is 26c. I can't fall asleep but I don't feel pain, I do make slight smile though wondering...was it the painkiller effect? Or is my wrist heal? When I recalled I went Guardian pharmacy after recommended by doctor to get a wrist gut, there's short of supplies on the shelf, and two type last stock of each hanging on the almost empty shelf, one RM21 and one for RM42+. Is everyone else out there have the same situation of employer overwork their staff in the pandemic?
As I'm writing now, I do feel my right hand especially dry, I feel abit sense of block when typing and using mouse, like the pain is still there, the nerve is pulling within the wrist to arm, but I can't feel any pain.
6.38am, I feel surface pain when I press my upper wrist.
8.21am, during shower. I felt a sudden sting when shower drop hit my wrist, and lifting object with index and thumb fingers. Looks like the painkilling has worn off about 6-7 hours.
4-5pm, feel finger tips numbness slightly, and pain like electric shock suddenly spread beyond my wrist, putting me more anxious about my health. Was my gut tight? Or I should stop working to rest for the day?
After work, I went to panel clinic to check up but it was closed. Return to my room, I apply sport pain relief cream from wrist to my elbow. It feels better, those pain around stops, probably.
2 June 2021, Wednesday
6.51am, my right hand numb and weak to grip. So I do some plank and fist tight as exercise and body warm up in the morning, it helps but the wrist within still feel the bit pain in another area sometimes on my left and right palm. The painkiller seemed the cause that I can't fall back asleep after awake. It didn't really make me sleepy effect though description said, but I can fast asleep.
4.45pm, I went to the panel clinic earlier today. The doctor dressed in protective plastic checks on me. After I told her that the pain started spreading shock until my elbow, sometimes it sting in different areas. She diagnosed me of tendon inflammation and need attention treatment and medical leave to rest.
Two more types of medicine I need to take after meal.. When I look at my arm, really got me depress and anxious of what will happen of my future.. is it the time I resign...? What if it never heal...? Will I still able to sketch and play game...?
3 June 2021, Thursday
It's my Medical Leave, still there's urgent tasks coming in that I need to attend. I rest whenever I feel the sudden tweak with my flesh. After talking with my mom for 3 hours while resting on bed. I back to my desk to continue the urgent task, I worked until 3.20am++. At least I done 4 urgent tasks.
4 June 2021, Friday
My Art Director is helping me to shift in WFH, I haven't decide yet whether I should take a break from work.. but I will observe my condition this coming weekend. If no improvement, I will go along with mother's suggestion which is to take X-ray. Today, the stiffness happens more often on the above elbow, I feel more light shock on the area.
My group of designers are venting about receiving our Miti letter. Quite tiresome of shouldering each others' fault sometimes made ones want to leave the company and find job elsewhere that's less stressful. However, not us that's always the problem, sometimes boss just too high demand about the outcome to further dragging our work completion when more and more new task are piling up on desk.
I too, speaking honestly that I did felt suicidal in a spark of mind one recent day when waiting at the train platform because of working late and carry Mac almost every week suffering yet management doesn't get slightly idea of caring us designers.
Company die die want us to work from office eventhough the rising cases is higher than last year and the variants more deadly affecting younger age.
A young bat flew in my room all the sudden, that never happen in my life. I tried to catch it but failed. When I think of a bat's habitat, I turned off the light, and it flew out the window. Bats see clearly in the dark.
I realize how important without my right hand supporting my daily life movement. But at the same time, I'm happy that I trained my left hand with chopstick, though I didn't fully master, and I have no problem eating or brushing teeth. I was born left-handed afterall. That's a relief.
5 June 2021, Saturday
Today is the remembrance of our Unsung heroes and victims of the Mount Kinabalu earthquake in 2015. My landlord sent last month bill and he further texted me about consulting a doctor about depression. It's been quite long since November 2020 we had this topic, he hasn't consult a doctor yet.
I hope he prepares the courage to pay doctor a visit as soon as he ready. Dragging too long would only hurt himself more, and long suffering.
I did some work amendment for a bit, that dragged 2 hours to complete. I took medicine as usual, but only a meal today. I played Sims 4 for just a bit and I'm off to take a nap while waiting a game to be installed. Hoping I can get to play with them again.
I continue an Indie game that I last stop in last December. I'm glad I still remember where the game map is going.
My right still weak, I can't hold my fist firmly.
6-7 June 2021, Sunday & Monday
Monday is holiday. I have another day to rest my arm. Because of this injury, I move away from electronics and take more time in taking nap and out for hour walk twice a day, it refreshes me, my mind feel more peace.
Walk and watching the sun sets down and the orange sky turns gloom, sounds of crickets and the night lights... everything is light and darkness again.
My colleagues invited me for a game on Sunday night, I was hesitated but I joined for 3 rounds of game until 1.09am, after my hand grip starts to hurt. I went to bed.
Single life and staying sane from ovewhelmed of being untouched, I looked up at naked mangas while masturbate, that's the only thing kept me sex fulfilled whenever I want it.
8 June 2021, Tuesday
Today's Dream
I was with a group of adventurers, we came across a cave-like place underground with a high nature-build reddish-orange mud walls where we turned into our hideout from invaders. Whenever I heard suspicious footsteps, I would climb up the highpost for a lookout.
The highpost, is a dangerous climb. It wasn't steady, and ridiculously height. There's times I felt I might fall when climbing it.
=Present=
Back to work. The morning is 24 Temperature, I sort of wanted to see the sunrise but I kept clinging inside bed, feeling sleepy. I missed the chance. Today, my performance wasn't good enough, still dragging time and time. I was planning to take a 1 hour walk after 7pm but felt guilty that I couldn't finished the work I promised. I did workout inside my room as replacement. Just fixed my fan in the evening, cooked light dinner and Eat with Boki entertainment. My hand starts to weaken again, pain start showed up around wrist and above elbow after hours of movement, I have to fasten my work to complete so that I can rest early as planned.
9 June 2021, Wednesday
8am alarm clock. I missed the sunrise walk. My hand is 85% recovery, though I felt 90%. I still cannot do push-up or lifting anything heavier than 750ml water, I would feel something cracking inside my wrist and elbow, and I can't overdo workout, I still wearing wrist gut to avoid to much movement, and apply relief pain cream whenever I feel needed.
10 June 2021, Thursday
Today I'm free of wrist gut. My arm still stiff sometimes, not fully healed but almost there. I was very sleepy and horny the whole day, I had 3 hours on the phone last night with mom made me sleepy and going gameless.
I'm extremely not productive today, but I managed to did a task or two for the closing. I bought a few games this month from the recommendations of my game of colleagues. Most are multiplayer and co-op games, while some I bought out of interest myself. I like heroine protagonist game, well just hoping for some rich story and maybe I can catch some horny scene.
I really wanted to purchase Cyberpunk 2077, but due to most negative feedback of bugs and underdeveloped or over-promised quality, I have to give up eventually eventhough there's game sales. Plus, I never good at first person shooter game type.
11 June 2021, Friday
We have our usual Zoom meeting among group in the morning, today is much special sharing. It starts with one of our colleague's loss best friend. His friend died in the workplace in Sarawak just a few hours spoken with each other in their close group.
Another one has close relative/cousin passed away.
I shared mine too when one thought I might not gone through. It was back in my first job in KL, a colleague of 2 years+ was murdered in a brutal fight. He left behind his new pregnant wife that time. The crush feeling when you will never see him at the next day workstation to greet you in the morning or eat his cooking.
12 June 2021, Saturday
Such a beautiful, stress-free day, I spent my time staying idle watching lewd anime and masturbate in bed. I only play indie game for like 2 hours. I tried a new game that's about survival base game. I learn something from this game about facts and reality when comes to survival. Laws are set to make people to be more organized for one goal, discontent of people will happen but for that one goal is to survive for as long we can and life goes on.
I like craving lambs, and bought a 900gm lamb steak from Stiq eating stall just outside the guardhouse. Just about ready to collect at 3.30pm, rain starts to pour with lightning and thunder that seem almost above the condominium. I can't help but brace myself to get out the unit. Luckily the rain isn't heavy, just the lightning that's scary, I even avoid bringing umbrella.
The steak... with about 250gm are chunk of fats and bones. The steak is fatty, the meat didn't taste much of lamb except it only came of the fats. The sauce... buttery with red in colour, still not a match taste. I missed The Grill. I love their lamb shoulder, I like its lamb taste with mint sauce. Last time I even order 2 sets of it as dinner and ate with content while watching anime, best night ever. However, I never see it in the food app ever since then.
I received text message about the future task and preparation. Because of the COVID, designers are forced to grow and go with trend and digitalization with more touch than just design hardcopy works. We need to learn Wed design and Web building in order to survive in the future. More things to learn from scrap, more new touch of studies means wider space for improvement.
13 June 2021, Sunday
I wake up 7.47am. 8.09am exercise around the living court. Return 9.04am, had a cool shower. I feel so refreshed from the scent of shampoo and the shower gel, makes my body cool when outside is getting warm. Ordered self-pickup breakfast at 10.12am, then I felt.. hesitated to go out because I just showered.
Sun is hot, tanning my neck as it rise high up East. I felt lazy cooking maggis with processed meat, but getting too dependable with food apps is sometimes really as additive as playing game and that means it cost 3 times more than just regular meal I dabao myself.
I continue an indie game I last stop playing since last year. I still have a lot of fun, rich story games I haven't start playing or install that stayed in my Library for years. I was greedy to have bought them since there was sales going and the price was greatly discounted to ask for push buttons. I didn't play long especially when I met obstacles and I couldn't solve it myself, I off the game and lie down on cozy bed.
Woke up by the sound of thunder at 2.50pm, then 4.15pm, I forgot what else I'm doing, but I dressed up ready and stick with the exercise routine in the evening since the weather is breezier after rain. Today, I decided to jog for a bit, I switch with a different waist bag for that purpose, and made some running, although it's short distance, well enough to make me sweat quicker. I do see some familiar faces on their routine for the continuous week.
My arm, I felt it still not 100% healed, even though my arm can reflex more, but I get the feel that the strength is not 100% when I hold my fist, the nerves on the back of my five fingers.. is not there yet. Lifting 2.5KG seemed not ready.
The fact about being Work Life Balance is actually comes from time management and ones' rule, ones' skill.
You have a promised regular working time, lesser work stress period; you have a exercise routine, a balance meal and own free time zone for hobbies. Which means... Work Life Balance isn't what thinks happen daily.
This balance is mostly affected by two things,
No.1 : The person you work with is doing the same, does not interfere your time and you do the same.
No. 2 : Your skill and knowledge. If this part is low, it's a burden and it's taking longer time to finish the task you are assigned for.
16 June 2021, Wednesday
I was told that the company is providing room stay for employees who lives far to travel to work during this pandemic, and wants to offer me. If it's temporary, for my current situation is yes. If it's permanent, I would choose no.
1st - I have my comfort zone, although it's not the best but so far the best and good security here. However I don't know what place the company rent. SOmemore, I know the area very well that there is definitely not the place for me when comes to eat and travel places.
2nd - I don't know how many housemates will be staying in 1 unit and how much privacy I would have for staying there.
3rd - What are the accommodation the company provide other than a place to stay? Internet? Water & electric bill? I don't know either.
4rd - The lifestyle of my colleagues. Do they work on off day? I don't know. If it happens to be on the same project I'm with, would they bother to disturb my private time? I don't know. This might affect relationships. I'm pretty much like to my private life.
Walk to office distance can be very boring for me, eventhough everyone thinks it's super convenient and save time. Travelling to work actually isn't bad. Taking trains, doing sketches, watching new buildings is like an Open World game to me.
If this temporary stay threaten my private life, it's more of a bad idea than good for me.
Today, I felt wrist pain... to my surprise, it didn't fully heal yet. Probably hurt by editing the food pictures..
17 June 2021, Thursday
I'm not the only person who watch Mukbang on Youtube when one of my colleagues shared what he did when he's stress. He watches Mukbang from Indonesia and Malaysia Youtubers. Mukbang becomes a trend in the 2014s from my view, while food eating competition has been a longer history in the US, then I found Japan has too, with bigger serving options in their menus, fierce eating competitions jumps to Mukbang in the restaurant to home Mukbang. I know 4 western countries great eaters, Chestnut, Randy Santel, Matt Stone, and Furious Pete. Then I came across with Japan's food competitors, the curry rice eating legend, Kobayashi. Slowly I starting watching Japan and then Korea Mukbang.
I and My senior and I passed up our visuals to boss, followed by our Senior Art Director.. in the end, boss chose his visual, forgetting all that requirements he pushed us put in our visuals. 4 days wasted effort to do 1 task while other tasks fell behind. I was upset in the evening after work, I forgot whether I did my regular exercise walk or not. I didn't play Indie game for an hour or something, I completely down by how boss ignored me.
I have no mood to play, instead I was looking at articles and videos about designs.
19 - 20 June 2021, Saturday-Sunday
I started a new game that I and my colleagues bought together - The Division 2. It's an Open World, Co-op Online game where you see other players around Asia region (not sure)? It has better graphics, weapon and armor choices just like Witcher 3, but with present world tech.
I starts off as Level 1 that jumps me to level 17 by Co-op with my other colleagues who starts out earlier in just 1 day, the 2nd day I already reached level 20. I did play solo in main and other undiscover missions at Level 17, but hardly rise much than I did with Co-op (with high level players), my loot is more high-end than ever. Playing solo becomes much easier after that. This game is quite addictive, honestly.
I went grocery today, I bought prawns and 2 flower crabs. I had flower crabs for the entire day, enjoying picking flesh for like 2 hours. I boiled them, and crack them.
21 June 2021, Monday
I cooked prawns that I prepared the previous day, the smell of the prawns were fishy, because of its freshwater type and seasoned without sesame oil. I was hesitant for a while, as I had 2 times prawn allergy after consumed at Japanese restaurants. But turn out only little itchy on my top elbow. Smell of prawn, fishy? yes. When eat, smelly gone.
I try not to procrastinate, there's just thoughts that I want to write down here before I can focus my work. I did my best in doing the given task, but I handed in after work. I didn't go walking today. My vaccination is this coming Friday, I need to stay healthy.
22 June 2021, Tuesday
My wrist and elbow has been hurting continuously for several days. It still hasn't improving. When I recalled the pharmacist who recommended me about the cream and method she taught, I never once use the method on my arm. I gave it a try. I apply it after shower before bed, I wore a long sleeve jacket to bed.
23 June 2021, Wednesday
I don't feel pain in the morning or when using right hand for now. The method the pharmacist taught seems work well effectively. That's the other 50% I need in order to let strained nerve and muscle relaxed and healing.
I didn't exercise, and I ate more calories and sugar than I need for my daily activity, I can feel my belly and thigh start to weight back. That's just how important exercise is to maintain body shape and mental balance.
When I wasn't exercising, my mental health starts declining, I start laying back, the more I feel lazy and more irregular in sleep, more irregular time I spend on electronics, the shorter deadline I rush to achieve my daily goals.
