Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Helping

25th June 2018, Monday

An Indonesian family of around 5 feeling lost in train platform I was on, I led them to the right train and platform.

I saw three blind adult s near the train, I brought them to the train door. I was hesitate the eyes of public... I felt uneasy.. But I had to take them to seats. Others gave up their seat willingly.

I stood nearby, watching them. 3 of them were using their smartphones, drawing ears closer to hear the touch of click to access to whatsapp.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

CSR Programme - June 2018

I'm not smart and experienced like mother and brother in many things like business, future plannings and survive knowledge nor very good in my field

I just want to be a good example, a way of getting closer with new people of the group with that same goal and being acknowledged by others that although I may look different but I do no harm for being myself different from others, probably and unconsciously I work with heart, to gain trust from others with actions and thoughts than bluffing with words.

If you aren't standing in their shoes, you will not truly think about how they feel.

I joined a CSR programme organized by one of my ex-colleague's company who invited me. I applied my unpaid leave a week before, packed my bag on the night before the departure. Finished the given day of work before I leave on the afternoon day to catch the train, hopefully on time.

Luckily, I caught the train and reached the said place on said time for the car pool to Melaka with ex-colleague, Christine and her two young daughters.

On the 2 hours and half driving distance, she asked about my status and the incident. Sharing her thoughts and knowledge, I tried my best to remember if I can.

Hatten Place Hotel

Friday, June 15, 2018

My Depression

Having depression,
first thing in mind is, resign to leave the place of caused
and never want to step back in.

Having depression,
pretty much severing my present memories.
feeling forgetful and anxiety grows
constantly writing whenever I have the strength to lift a pen 

Having depression,
the mind keeps you overthinking the past,
feeling that I prefer hiding from everyone
and keep to myself in darkness,
question about future,
playing game with quests helps me focus
Game like Witcher 3
Life is Strange

Having depression,
I tend to find out the symptoms
through articles and put a guest
on my uncontrollable behaviour

Having depression,
I treat myself for great meal,
but slowly I lost interest,
and appetite began to shrink.

Having depression,
I avoid most eye contacts as
sensitivity on human presence
is almost at peak.


Having depression,
overthinking causing insomnia
that upset my balance of sleeping hour

Having depression,
slow in responding on conversation. social isolation
from staying mute for the past 6 months

Having depression,
I have watched animes like :
Naruto Shippuden
Nijuu Mensou no Musume
Kiddy Grade
Koi no Katachi
Pyscho Pass
Mahoutsukai no Yome
Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica
Kimini Todoke
Revolutionary Utena Girl
Michiko to Hatchin
Skirt no Naka Kedamono
Shingeki no Kyojin
Shingatsu wa kimi no Uso
Shoujo Shuumatsu no Ryokou
Netsuzou Trap
Net-juu no Susume
Citrus
Violet Evergarden
Gakuen Babysitters


During depression,
I read articles and Youtube about tips and advice to cope with my life and fear.
I read about Hikikomori in Japan, how I fear how long might I stay like this,
when is it ready to return to society, to return a normal life again.

I felt the same fear as Hikikomori who shut doors behind them, hesitating to interact with anyone (including families) beside themselves and their games. I found kitten and cats relieve my mind, they are the living things that I approach.

News about
Jerusalem peace between Muslim and Christian.
The defected North Korean soldier saved from South Korean border.
Affected refugees and fallen victims from neverending drug and religion war in Philippines and Syria.
The death of an overworked Japanese reporter.
A K-pop Shinee band committed suicide.
Death row documentary
 

During depression,
I took walk and exercise in the late evening after 7pm
I took meals outside only in off peak hours ( 4.00pm )

I don't want being a burden
with two choices, either I want to recover
or choose death
I don't want to go back to that state.