My Life - Part 1

When I reach age 32 and 10 months.

I have the desire to be self-employ.

I work in a company

with full time salary

because I'm still thinking

what I want in my life

to be.

Work in a good company

has steady income and

opportunities to learn from people

around and

grow knowledge of what others

learnt.

The bad about is

workload that isn't yours.

The enormous time you spent

for achieving somebody's dreams.

 

8 years of working,

I come to sense that

my salary was never able

to afford a dream room

nor a vehicle or university intake

that I see in media.

15 years ago,

I was both state athlete and secondary school prefect,

unstable mentality and shallow knowledge

that listens to anyone who feeds me knowledge,

trying hard to score in examination papers, participating school sport event, active in extra curricular activities, being one of the school models as a prefect with strict rules to comply, as much as things I interested to do and scared to do.

to search for my identity,

to search my own path,

and know who I am.

Cyberpunk - Part 2

 Cyberpunk,

1st person shooter game in a cybernetic high crime world where people trade away flesh with cyborg implants, making them "superior" and efficient at work. Those who in flesh are vulnerable to human traffickers for their precious body parts and organs.

In the game, you will find psychopaths and human traffickers keeping bodies in tube filled with ices. My character, V from Bakkers clan use non-lethal method to restrain these gangs using any skills I enhanced to get any job done.

In this cyber world, you can be you. man can live as woman, woman can live like man. People don't seem interest in religion in this world, though you may still see temple around. People love guns collections and drive nice cars. Gun dealers in every place.

 Tech sniper, shoot from high ground.

 The closest gun dealer where V lives.

Gangs often leaves their cars and bikes at their hideouts, I don't have to spend eddies to own one, I can just pick one on the spot and drive away.

There's traffics on the road, and when you feel like those jackass traffics are annoying, invest a bike can get you quicker to destinations.

When you feel you need to take a break from gun fight. Just hook somebody for intimate fun.

 

Besides fighting wanted gangs, whenever I see those unconscious bodies of women, I want to lay my hands on them.. just too bad.. I can't.

Living as V, as a merc for eddies, I sell weapons and clothes for extra eddies to PAY RENT APARTMENT (well, no paying what so.). Since this game has a private place for V, I atleast take a shower and go to bed whenever I return.

8th October 2021, Friday - Today's Dream

Today's Dream

Mom angrily scolded me for not understanding her own simple instructions and what she's hinting me to.

It's a small shopping bag onn a right corner table, inside an Italian looking restaurant to retrieve. However, I really don't get what she was trying to say. Those little leg pointing gesture she kept saying was doing to hint me about the table direction, was not clear enough to get to me when she stand so close to me.

I couldn't stand the hate, eventually fell on my knees, I yelled at her in tears, reaching my limit to shout back at her for pointing all flaws on me.

I felt, it's a same place I dream on, a huge place with tall commercial stores, large, clean. white floor. not far the exit, I reach a zen water flow cube, white bricks where many enjoy hanging out with beers and play in water.

There, I met my ex-classmate, Nicholas. He was among the young group enjoying holiday.

 = Present Day =

4.52am - woke up from nightmare..

I had two nightmares this morning. I can't remember the other one, 1st or 2nd. But the place is almost the same.

Ever since I sit away from the designers' table group, though we still talk, I felt alienated.

4th October 2021, Monday - Today's Dream

 Today's Dream

Outside a cottage, I was greeting my homecoming mother and another friend of hers.

Suddenly encounter a medium size black snake that was about to put its fangs on mom.

Mom didn't scream yet quickly move away from its head, I held two knives, pocket knife is the quickest to draw and I swing at the snake, buying them time to flee into the cottage.

At the wooden stair, I slashed the snake's right mouth, it seems to retreat but its head turns back and tries to find an opening to slip pass my defense. I swing again and again, though I hurt it again, the severed mouth snake still won't give up..

=Present day=

Waking up, thinking what was that for...?

I rode on a deaf Grab driver, a Malay lady. I flip through the flip-cards that provided. There was a car driving carelessly, speed while giving instant signal and almost ram to the front left of our moving car at the toll exit. It was then, my mind is focus on the road, at the same time I wonder what's the safest way to get her attention without suddenly scaring her or losing her concentration with that so call "patting shoulder". It's a long road, and cars are appearing more and more after 80% adults are vaccinated.

This always reminded me of <<A Silent Voice>>, I thought of learning sign language.

I signed up a course about sales management blah blah since it's free for employee. I attended the 2nd class online by a known pitcher named Hanzo. He is also a guy my boss knew. After every class module, my boss would gather those who attended the course and did case study and sharing, duration takes about 45 minutes.