I'm grown up.
But I no longer sees a room
for me to grow at family home.
Both mom and brother
always shove their thoughts
on me, but never take interest
to what I see and ways I think.
Because both mom and brother
shares High Self-righteous trait,
they both have own ways
to do things,
and never back down
with their own reasoning,
leading to alot of
gap of thoughts and intolerance
to each other.
to each other.
I listen both side story,
looking for ways to open up each other,
to bridge them over and over.
So, bridging relationship
between mother and brother
from turning sour,
is extreme tiring.
Mother always has double edge talking habits.
Finds every person's attitude she doesn't like,
she wants them change to her liking.
Indirectly sharing related video clips,
or sharing pages.
Her every word always 50/50 hidden
with intentional blades,
yet never thinks another side of story.
(Mom worries my health & future, worries brother's attitude may leads to hardly any friends as he ages)
Brother sees whatever little thing that annoys him
of his way of thinking within family,
he always stops mom or I, instantly,
Gets irritated if mom or I don't comply.
(It could be he have had been in the past, he knows what must be done and the best, most efficient method when dealing in similar situation)
He prefers solo mission,
and no one, no seconds should interfere
during his mission.
I can't show my leading efficiency,
I can always be his supporter role.
When with mom,
Weakening Decision Making.
Because she always, always tries to change my plan
for her schedules.
(She always give people millions of options, never tired of bargaining, never . This trait of hers, she can be a good event chef, secretary and personal assistant, but never ever recommend in Hotel Management industry.)
When with brother,
Infantry Scout
Because brother will always be Commander
and takes the lead. He wants me to learn the way he
deal with daily situation, takes cold-heart to protect myself
and prioritize time and & goal. (Lateness, energy, focus)
There are things that brother said,
may not be true, because I'm not stupid too.
Told me air conditioner is not fully ON, only ON when after the plane departs.
Told me air conditioner is not fully ON, only ON when after the plane departs.
To me, it wasn't true. The aircon is already FULLY ON when passengers enter the plane.
It's temporarily switch tuning low when it's few seconds away before the plane departs, and slowly back to FULL ON, but It's his way of saying "Nevermind. Leave it be,"
Brother irritated when I adjusted his flight seat's aircon the second time
While he stills fanning himself with the Instruction Card.
(If the aircon works for him, should just politely tell me "works fine.")
When I finally alone,
I decide and execute my plan,
I have my own ways, my interactions.
My way may not be the ultimate solution,
but not overly hurting other people's feelings,
I at least absorb some for the less fortunate.
It's just suited for my personality type.
5th March 2024, Tuesday
My estranged father,
whom I never met since convocation,
live in the place where none of us know.
We never know how he is,
or what he does for living,
just rumour says
he had a new family.
Yet, mom still has to shoulder
of what troubles he had caused,
turning a low-profile,
anxious aged woman
forced to live very simple life
with household necessity of broken electronics.
Mom recently severe her relationship
with the people whom she grew up with,
she told me how she reminiscing the old times
that will no longer return.
I'm one of many people
come from
broken families.
in a norm society.
But as long as
we don't trade our souls
to the devils,
we can live to find happiness.
