A trip..
but not a trip..
Turned out 1st night to be looking after sick parent...
Listening not grateful
but unending complaints,
enduring evryday
thoughout the trip..
Working so hard, overtime, day and night..
and counting down the 8 days trip..
But ... I didn't enjoy...
at all...
just because someone so stubborn to ruin everything..
always think she knows best with her 1990s outdated winter experience, hiding problems from everyone and NEVER listen to anyone younger than her age!!
On my last day in Narita Airport alone... I didn't have enough time to really have fun myself... I couldn't hold my tears whenever I think about wasting 8 days annual leave.. I was crying.. I only could look at Mount Fuji taken from a passenger's phone camera in plane...
I didn't get to be listened to what I was trying to say, to break the cycle of repeating the same problems, listening the same reminder that has nothing to do with me. I tried to explain, but was turned to argument in your thoughts.
Why do I have to listen to dissatisfaction of others that I can actually solve instantly but rejects my help and prolong the problem further...? Telling me you can solve yourself? Why make me feel hanging helplessly all the time...?
Why am I even born for..?
No one fucking understands me, how I felt.. how much I struggle in silent to get acknowledged that I can help solve problems only if she let me take actions, matters could have gone without unnecessary complaints into my hurtful ears.. but always rejected my help. When brother offers help, she never complains, and the problem solved in no time.
Listening to others.. but that loved one didn't want to open its heart to listen to what I want to say..
but thinks it's all fucking arguments, and telling me to stop bringing the recent past.. while she always talked about pasts repeatedly and never learn to move forward. Now I get that why so many children left their parents alone.
I have to secretly bring the shoe for repair. But then what... ? I never get to hear "thank you" without her presence. I was at the train platform.. looking down the rail... I felt like walking beyond the yellow line... to just... end everything..
