23rd August 2021, Monday

Many residents have been vaccinated by mass vaccination centers, which some areas has finally move to Phase 1 or 2 for more business to open doors and people are allowed to dine-in.

My housemate works in a saloon few blocks away, has returned to work on last Thursday. I didn't have in mind on weekends as I was in a heated battle with last minute assignments in the mornings. My weekend was terribly frustrated until I have no mood to eat or play games.

= Present day =

I was going for my take-out at the usual food stall, my mind came across with the word - messy hair. I thought it is time before my vaccination date, but there's fewer that are open due to financial difficulties and application to acquire from MITI. I rarely have my haircut nearby as I often stop by malls and settled it on my way back on working days. I only visited two saloons during my 7 years stay here, so maybe I should do it here.

I went to a saloon that I had some years ago, that time it was an awful haircut by a middle-aged man for RM9.90, but it was the past. After Mysejahtera and temperature checked, proceed to haircut. A young lady is tending my hair this time. It was heavenly warmth.

She asked me how long since my last haircut, and surprised when I replied 3.5 months. The cutting process, brings me a thought, never had I thought of all those haircut before was ever this relaxing. How long has it been that would have anyone ever pat my head, and caress my hair by a hand of a [ Girlfriend ] to be? She didn't despise my gender nor my tomboyish hair, we had nice conversation. I even made her laugh.

My angel hairdresser... I didn't ask her name..

19th August 2021, Thursday

 I feel bad when I use word that probably hurt a woman, unintentionally. I felt a gentleman inside me when comes to woman. Sometimes, I didn't mean it, sometimes I was insensitive about others' feelings, sometimes I felt I want to be judged wrong of my mistake, and chose a word that I regret after text message later.

I became an adult type that I hated most when I was young age. The adult who did mistakes but never show apologetic and never say sorry and admit wrongdoings.

It's hard to be good person forever. Human can shows mean and mischief towards anyone. 

Today's Dream

There's a mighty wind happening outside my room, the windows are barely standing against such powerful wind. I can see this never ending wind is about to bend my windows and might eventually blow off anytime.

I found 2 birds of brown. One adult and one kid. They are unable to fly in this seemingly worsen situation and trying to crawl their ways away from the wind gust with their wet feathers. I brought them inside my room, and I desperately searching any wool I can find in my closet to make a warm nest for them.

They didn't seem comfortable with me, and keep going off around my room, that I have to keep putting them back to a spot.

There's others in the house, and braving the storm, but they care less about shutting the windows, that I have to enter the room to try to shut, none came to my aid. I felt disappointed.

= End =

19th August 2021, Wednesday

Today's Dream

I was joining a group of youngster, classmates ?Well around the age of a high school practicing their cheering in a hall to prepare a sport festival?

We are standing at the high floor fence, rehearsal-ing. Everyone are in high-spirits doing a singing and group gesture dance. I, more like a new joiner, position at the left corner and follow them. When I noticed the fences are unstable, I immediately sound the others, and they are quick to respond, and move further away from the faulty fences. Everyone continue doing cheers and eventually they get down from that height with those straight ladder bar, some help themselves down (was it like that??)

It's late and everyone gone back to their room in the end of the day. The room doesn't look like a dorm room, it's more spacious and luxury feel. I lied down on the left of double bed, while waiting my roommate returns. The atmosphere suddenly turned cold and creepy when I saw a pair of bare, pale white feet on the doorstep. (I don't know why it's made so high to be able to see people's feet.) I thought someone is doing a prank at this late night, I ignored what I see and close my eyes to sleep. Things immediately gone haunted in the room.

A supernatural force moderately shakes the mattress, I felt the tremble and really shocked me to open my eyes. It's real! The room turned greyish dark, like a filter placing in front of my naked eyes. It happened like I was sucked into a dream dimension of delusion couldn't get out of that situation.

A minute I was teleported to another room, standing on the end of a bed where I found others deep in their sleep. But that greyish atmosphere didn't clear. Wait... Is that powerpuff girls ?? Blossom woke from her slumber, where's Bubbles? And why is Buttercup holding Octi ?? I brushed her hair, Buttercup actually look innocent in her sleep.

=End=

 

I woke up, still think I was still in my dream. 8.26am, Before it fades I lay down again. 8.55am I get up, switch on Mac and wrote this in my blog which you are reading till this paragraph.

 Human likes rights and say DON'T.

Being acknowledge as privileged,

means power.

Power means dominant,

Dominant means faction

16 August 2021, Monday

 Investment planned by the company, and staff are all requested by choice to create an account. I signed up last week, and got the appointment for video call at 10am, 16 August 2021, Monday - which is today.

They are very quick, and zun zun 10 o'clock, my phone rang. 

1 hour before the appointment -

 I did 50 pushups, fold my dried clothes, tidy my desks, sweep the floor, fold my bed sheet, hide my dildo, dressed up neat, pour Cola Zero refreshment, ready my requirement stationery and plug & adjust my phone ready.

All just for a less than 2 minute video call from the interviewer. She is quite a hot lady. Wait... am I sounding sexual harassment ?? Just happy there's good looking lady video call, mood also positive, I can  keep my face smiling the whole morning!

Today's Dream

It's a dark night, not dark magic or horror, just describe the terrain has very few light flow, only the moon and clouds in a far away city. A place for brave hikers to roam in the night hill with only big moon as the light source.

I'm with at least one hiking partner outside the rented house looking out each other, it looks like my motorcycle has been delivered. It's a used motorcycle that I bought cheaply from a retired biker. I hop on and give it a ride on a straight dirt track. My left side is full of trees, while my right is a rough terrain track for mountain bikers.

Normally it's mountain bike or mountain motorbike, mine looks like a hybrid motorcycle-mountain motorbike combination. Does that exist ? My curiosity take me to this downhill, it's a short track and easy for a beginner and that trial established my confidence and new experience of joy ride.

Just one tiny thing, when I saw another fellow biker, it has a yellow plate. I need a license to be able to move forward.

14 August 2021, Saturday

 I have been aware that I have come to an age of slowing down.

1. type writing

I made more mistakes in typing compared to a year ago. Even if it's a word I often type but still not spelling it right, and correct it over and over. It's like my brain feels my fingers is not in the right key button.

2. Searching phone

I was looking for my phone, it was there 1 ruler beside me, faced down.. but I couldn't recognize that 5 inch+ phone is there when I search under the book and headset.

 

12 August 2021. Thursday

 Morning walk exercise.

I  have a sight on a large snail about my hand long, sticking at one of the pillars on my right side. So I took out my phone to snap a few photos of it.

My action led to a black cat's attention who is actually laying down on the floor few paws away from the pillar. It crawls towards the big snail showing its interest of belittle or as an easy catch meal. I sensed its life in danger, with that height, the cat can reach with one jump and snatch. Because of my action, I stop the cat 3 times from its curiosity and eventually gave up its dream meal. I stood beside the cat, the cat look afar of two landing birds at the badminton court, it seems getting interested to catch them at first, but the cat seemed letting out a sigh, and lay down. I had made sure the cat won't bother the snail when it lies down, I left to continue my walking exercise. Deep down, I feel sorry for the cat for losing its dream catch because of my excitement..

 

Single Life

My single life is all about gaming, animes, movies, reminiscing past and interacting co-workers at work.

Love life? Me? Never even date or know how-to find that person of love.

I'm just an average people with some luck and job living in this pandemic. I know nothing about the old friends doing now. I'm more interested about colourful world, and wish that one day I can "live" in the world I create.

I don't own a car or an apartment, the most expensive things I ever owned is my decent gaming laptop and a graphic tablet in my beginning of 30s.

With an average salary of less than 3k, I can only afford cheap rent for long term stay here, and send little hundred cash home. While the rest is food, groceries and savings. It takes months or year to earn a sum to open FD. Also, I can't regularly donate for charity.

When Lazada, Shopee, and Grab are turning popular online purchase hub with delivery services, I spent quite the amount purchasing items and order food delivery where I couldn't reach, the spending I have to pay every month shoots up double/triple the figure than the amount I regularly paid. These services are super convenient however it's super terrifying and addictive to quit.

Single life, I share my food to nobody, time is flexible. The most torture about living single is, there's no special person I could share the feelings of everyday life together. 

Like, sharing delicious food, going to cinemas, sex, engage new things, our security.

Recovered from being hikikomori, I can't say I'm glad to be one once, but I learn something during those 8 months +, not just from watching movies, anime and gaming that comforted me, but more of understanding my mentality and myself. Being too good a person and don't complain problems will eventually burn out your candle completely, turning your normal life upside down. 

You see people differently after accepting this cruel world you are living a fact, you feeling more defensive that you set mines around you, whoever cross it, blows. 

One thing I fail to succeed in life is, self-learning and put it to use.

Second thing is, I give up easily.

Third thing is, I dislike challenges that's beyond my knowledge.

With these 3 sticking in my life, probably the cause I stay a boring person, non-aggressive and non-competitive that others see me not qualify as to be their prospective partner.

I want to quit my job, I want to change my life but I'm afraid to do so. I'm afraid that my unstable motivation or certain voice ruining in the process. I was worried turning half-baked when I couldn't even spend quality time make use learning something in the weekends, thinking that really turned me down.

5th August 2021, Thursday

Today's Dream

I stay in a hotel room that has a split bedroom attachment with a anotehrmember of a group. for two days one night. The next day, 2 boys will take over our room for their turn to stay, we are up early to dress up and packing when the boys already arrived earlier than schedule, ready to start their first day activity trip.

They gather at attached bedroom next, while I'm brush up myself. I find it curious about what that green slime sticking at the sink.

Looks like it's free time after checking out. There, I walk under a cloudy sky, wearing my mask on a village road. There's stalls on roadside, I can see crowds gather along the road, but without masks. Everyone looks fine, like Covid never exist in "this world" I thought.

Come to a left turn point where I arrive at the entrance road to a chinese temple. I met my old friends and her cousins. We all look like teenage back then, and she's avoiding me but we are still in good relationship.

I excuse myself to visit the temple, that's my plan afterall, at the same time I don't feel like to be approached by close people because of my insecurity

4th August 2021, Wednesday

 Today's Dream

I work in a new company, which is a restaurant in a less dense yet more developed district. There's group of my ex-colleague were here for lunch. I was upstair busy, so I didn't attend to them. Lunch is almost over only then we crosspath each other.

I have another group of hobby companions ?