29th June 2023, Thursday - What am I doing

My original plan of Self-study from end of April - October, almost half period gone by now,

No progress.

 

 WHY ??!

1. I spent about 3K  on the 1st month.. 

2. Heavily watching Netflix and Youtube on kill time.. 

3. I spent on Grabfood quite often.. and still stupidly ordering.

4. Unwise spending on new books.
   

5. I spent about 350 rinnggit on a new launching, popular game - Diablo 4 and spent 2 weeks playing on and off times.
   

6. I procrastinate about everything.. my study, my art, my workout, my revisions
   

7. I have hard time re-adjust to regular sleep. 

8. Worse, I took up a freelance work from my ex-boss recently and still couldn't get it done in a week..

9.  I'm afraid of challenge after analysized, I still have no clue what to start.

10. I'm too greedy to want everything under my shining belt, I'm at loss which I should start with.

    
    

It was progressing fine on the 1st week.

I attended art study class and using the Pomodoro Technique. It was going well and able to make my focus longer... not until ...

 

I got injured during blood donations.

Things starts sliding down. I skipped exercises, and laid back... week later I twisted my ankle. Then discovered cysts forming on my breast.

 

I promised mom that I wouldn't buy new books, but ... temptation, obsession and curiosity still turn me on. However, I choose them carefully.

I couldn't follow 80% self improvement schedule that I had planned out writing down on the whiteboard... especially art learning. 

 

Now I gradually lack the passion to play the game Arknights I Iove to play so much.

 

 

I am again, lost in path and couldn't see where I'm heading. Mom sees me as a successful and experienced in my career, deep down I wasn't as professional as she thinks... I kind of let her down.. let myself down... 

 

The day I resigned is the day I decided to find new set of skills for a new career field. 

I have been thinking whether I'm not cut out to be a graphic designer, I looked into the blog on my yesterday evening exercise. 10 Reasons You Shouldn't be a D. 

 

I honestly say, I have all 8 out of 10... how it becomes this way... I spent the passed 13 years doing designs and other miscellaneous. Yet, I still felt my effort worth little but not good enough for an elite designer level..

 

How to deal with the above ?

1. Revive bookkeeping 

2. Restrain from watching more than 2 episodes a time.

3. Having possessions is not wrong if you use it with full extends

4. If playing games is JUST for kill time, then stop playing.
   

5. Be serious gamer. Learn every mechanical and system to be a PRO.
   

6. Re-think and rewrite my schedule, and try it out again.

7. Try workout routine to see if that wears you off.
   

8. FINISH THE NICK'S WORK AND GET BACK TO SCHEDULE, DON'T DELAY!!

9.  [ Lazy ] is your enemy, [ Negativity ] is your enemy,
   

10. It's not wrong to have [ Greed ] for knowledge, learn to focus one thing at a time of a day.
    

What's on my mind now, my goal

1. I want to draw every operators in Arknights game.

2. I want to write journal in Japanese.

3. I want to write a short story and create a concept book out of it.