11 March 2022, Friday

Didn't expect another overnight at the office, sitting another 12 hours on chair desperate to patch everything in one piece, just because I made a mistake for not being firm to that idiot who push work around the others 💢💢💢 I couldn't get the materials in one folder, I needed another bit of time to compile every info, logo and advertisement before I can insert them into that easy yet time consuming section - company listing.

The new colleague who just joined this week, a mother of 3 children wanting to get home but had to work overtime to help me on the mess I got. I made her family worry.

My mistake that delayed the book completion.. That Idiot - R is the most fucking type in my black list that I want to avoid in contact so much as colleague and relationship. 

Standing at the window, gazing the night, looking down on the empty parking lot. It's quiet. Only the wind brushes off my cheek, waving my hair. Soon, everyone will be back on desk in a few hours. I will just another soul that dust away.

When talks about game in the group chat, we suggest games that can multiplay and co-op, which we would plan buying to play. There's 7-8 of us, but not all of us will buy, but tempting others to join the game. We all have that preference game in mind, one prefer Ghost of Sushima, most like Need For Speed, I much prefer Cyberpunk 2077 myself.

I kept having the repetitive flashbacks, with different choices in my head that I wished that I knew to stand up against R

   I couldn't calm myself, anxiety starts taking over me, I am vulnerable like a dying prey under vultures' watch. My wall needs rebuild, but 2 days of weekend isn't enough, the stress is eating into my flesh, feels too short for recovery.

Having some others seeing me weak, eats me up more..

I took a half day leave to get my sanity back one hard day. Before I return to work in the afternoon, I had a walk on that morning. The happy thing that came in my mind was takeaway food pack lying down in my apartment floor, arranging in a shape of a heart, welcoming me home. It warms me so much that it feels like having a girlfriend for real who really shares the same chemistry and  cares about me.