Insecure

When I'm not doing well performance at job, when I see others trying hard on difficult projects and were able to pull it through with excellent results, made me envy how great their skills are, while I struggled with something that looks elementary level to anyone but difficult to me, felt I didn't belong to this field in the first place all this years of work...

I feel insecure about graphic design, that my skill couldn't get anywhere better after all these years in my career. I don't know how to improve.. always feeling half-baked.. and always someone steps-in to do my undone work.. 

I slowly felt myself don't belong in the team.. there will be 4 new designers joining soon, with my 3 years here... I don't know what to say with that level I have now can be their guide...

I couldn't get myself of what I'm even doing sometimes... Was I not fit to be creative in this field all this time ...? I envy how others can take up their promises and deliver impressive results so easily... and complete their tasks in a 10x times short period.

I'm at lost in my career... I struggle to learn new things... I didn't try hard enough to learn something new by myself outside of my career...

I really like to draw, but all I can manage is do sketches but not to an impressive level... even I play games, but I'm never becoming an expert or specialized in anything... I only just enjoy the game flow and story... sucks to feel I'm half-baked in everything...

I'm not serious enough thinking my goal... my dream... my life... but I'm seriously anxious about my future as I age up, that if I leave this company I won't find job elsewhere that want suck skill like me... I want to be like them, who's skill is impressive and depended.