It's Like a Stage

A fury arguement
with a boss over work.

My feeling about the work was,
trying hardest managing given task.
Instead, the boss ruined it,
and still get reprimanded for arguing.

I kept thinking,
was all the work I had done
not good enough?

I struggled going to work,
I stayed away from crowds,
I avoid complete eye-contacts
except animals like cats.

For those affected people (interviewees),
I started feeling guilty (for making them wait),
When I realised my unusual condition
unable to work normally,
I felt myself a burden.
I was switched to work-at-home,
I managed the company's social media and website
in return of monthly wages
to live.

I spent 8 months
isolated from outside,
and only come out once to eat,
pay rent, and cinema alone.

I wear cap and hood sweater
whenever I go out to eat and walk,
usually when the sun has set.

I have weak knees, weak memories
after that.

I have speech delay, anxiety,
after months isolation.

My communication through texting
with co-workers about works,
and only accept calls from families.

I was reluctant to participate in company's events.
The only thing to keep me afraid was reminding myself
that I'm helping out my close senior on the work
to keep myself stay focus.

I ran up low money
after lending money to an ex-colleague,
that's when anxiety focus on money to eat.

I got a job after 3 months hunting,
with low pay
short distance commute,
weekend off days
and daily staff meals.

I wasn't wearing cap in office,
I still capped whenever
I'm outside.

I started building confidence
and work performance
on work, interact with co-workers
during my 8 months at the company
before it shut down in December 2018.
I'm unemployed again,

I continued working freelance
from ex-colleague and ex-boss
from time to time.

I was tolerable until
my freelance works didn't get paid
since last year yet more work were done
between January and February 2019.
Payment was delayed
without a news.

I was upset during my trip home
for Chinese New Year.
I felt that I wasn't part of the family
in that house with constant rejections and critics.

I thought of ending my life,
I shut myself from family texts and calls
for a month.


I spent 4 months job hunting,
and got a job offer after an interview
the next day,
a job offer I never expected,
well another low pay,
far distance job
starting on 1st April 2019.